Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I smell like Dick and happiness
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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