i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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