I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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