I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
