I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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