(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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