she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize