so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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