this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
