I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
third nipple confirmed
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize