Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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