Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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