Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
