I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i think my cat just said my name.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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