Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize