You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
