If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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