what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
