Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize