I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
