I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
