Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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