whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
