hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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