you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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