eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
