Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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