i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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