we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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