I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
