I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
