garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
