Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
