just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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