All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
