so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
