he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
