Four minutes until I can fart!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
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He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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