3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
