you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She announced her abortion via fbk
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
