im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
