He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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