There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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