I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
