Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
