Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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