After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
