tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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