i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
