actually, I'm a sock model
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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