No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
