He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
