Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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