I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
