Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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