Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
