I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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