New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i will never coherently bang her
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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