he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
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That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
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Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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