I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
