Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
