Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
