I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
