Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
