true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
