i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just forgot I was standing up.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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