In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
