he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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