with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Can Purell be used as lube?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
