Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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