The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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