ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
